I DON'T SMOKE
by Crazy Rikku Fan
Summary: John and Wanda make a bet. Who'll win? That's for you to find out. JONDA oneshot. Rated T for bad words and all...


Hello again... Well, this is my second Jonda fanfic - I hope it might be a little better than the first... And I also hope you'll enjoy reading it. :)  
Oh yeah... bad words... Gotta warn ya bout that. There's even one right there, on the 4th line...

* * *

"I DON'T SMOKE!"

"ARGH!"

"Come on sis! Stop lagging behind like you don't know us!" Pietro Maximoff told his twin sister.

"Yeah Poopsie!" added Toad. Wanda cringed at the pet name.

_Shit. I need to get away from them. As soon as possible._

The situation was almost unbearable. The almighty and unstoppable Scarlet Witch was forced to go to the mall with the rest of the Brotherhood guys. How they did it…she didn't really know.

-

_Oh, right._ she recalled as realization overcame her._ I broke the air con when I was hexing stuff at Toad._

Although watching him flee with fear was amusing, breaking the only air conditioning in the house wasn't. At all.

She remembered how the guys whined and began complaining.

"Wanda! You didn't have to be so violent!!!"

"Why didn't you hex stuff at him outside??? Far away from the appliances of our house!!! Air conditioners don't come cheap ya know?!"

Wanda had just shrugged at the guys, not exactly realizing how critical the situation was. But it wasn't before long when she discovered that they'd die from heat and suffocation without proper air conditioning.

So that was why she, Wanda Maximoff, ended up in a crowded mall with four idiots – who were still undecided of whether they should buy a new air con, or save their money for other uses.

"C'mon babycakes! Lemme escort you!" exclaimed Todd, hopping up beside her.

She inconspicuously hexed him to make him trip on his own leg.

"Ugh…" growled Wanda angrily. She needed to get away, and quick.

She looked over at Fred and Lance, who seemed to be completely absorbed in a television show at an electronics store. Then she took a glance at Pietro and saw him flirting with seven girls at once. Finally, she looked back at Toad, who was struggling to stand up. Without a second thought, she began walking hastily away from the boys.

"Wanda! Wait up, poopsie!" she heard Todd call out to her.

She quickened her pace when she discovered that he was following her.

_Dammit! What the heck is wrong with that….thing!?!?!_

She needed to find a place to hide. Running around the mall would be totally pointless, since she might risk bumping into the guys again. She needed to hide in someplace unexpected, so they wouldn't be able to find her.

She turned right at a corner, hearing Toad's footsteps quickly approaching. Without thinking, she entered the store to her right. As soon as she entered, she ducked and hid behind one of the shelves inside the store.

* * *

_Shit. I'm in a tobacco store._

She didn't even need to think twice; there was no doubt that it was a tobacco store. The strong smell was all it took for her to know. She didn't really like the smell… She hated it actually. She found smoke quite disturbing.

_I don't know why people actually waste their money on this crap_. she thought with a frown.

A few minutes after she saw Toad pass by, she stood back up. Luckily, the owner of the store didn't see her when she entered the store and dove behind the shelves to hide. It'd be really awkward if he did…and she'd have to dig up some explanation.

Wanda sighed. _What a relief. Now I don't have to deal with anymore idiots._

"Why, 'ello there Wanda! Whot's a sheila loike you doin' in 'ere???"

_Oh great. Just when thought I've escaped all of them._

Wanda turned around to find St.John Allerdyce looking at her with a funny expression on his face.

"It's none of your business, _Pyro_," she told him, shooting one of her best death glares at the Aussie. "What about you? What are _you_ doing here?"

John only laughed. Wanda frowned when she realized that her glare didn't work on him.

_Damn. Gotta practice on that…_

"Sheila, I asked ya first," he replied with a grin. "'ow 'bout this: You tell me whatcha doin 'ere in a _Tobacconist's shop_, and I'll tell ya why I'm 'ere too.

Wanda blushed slightly out of embarrassment, but managed to cover it up.

"Look, I just came in here to hide from that hideous creature outside that's chasing me," she said as she looked cautiously out the window. Luckily, there were posters and papers stuck all over the windows of the store, making it quite hard for people to see inside.

John grinned. "Oh, that strange froggy bloke that stalks ya? Except…well…ya live in the same house and all…."

"YES, exactly!" she answered almost immediately. "That's why it's driving me insane. I can't get away from that freak!"

John nodded at her, almost as if he understood. Then he turned away nonchalantly and began examining the different lighters on the shelves.

"Hey! Now it's your turn to tell me what you, an ex-Acolyte, are doing in a store like this," she reminded him.

John cackled a bit. "Whot does it look loike I'm doin' sheila? I'm gettin' me a new lighty!"

"Oh," she said, slightly surprised. "Didn't know you smoked…"

"Whot?!" John asked. He almost jumped in shock.

"Me?? Smoke? O'course not sheila!" he told her. He gave her a strange look, then continued to look at the lighters.

"Whatever. You know, it's okay," she said to him. "Most of the guys I know smoke… Okay, except Fred maybe… Not sure if Toad and Pietro do too… I think Lance used to, but that Kitty cat of his made him stop…"

"Wanda, I DON'T SMOKE," John told her, slightly frustrated. He picked up a black lighter with fire designs on it, and studied it closely.

The Scarlet Witch just rolled her eyes.

"Sure, that's what they all say…"

John stopped and turned to face her. "Look, the only type I smoke is secondhand, from Remy," he explained to her in a serious tone.

She gave him a slight glare. "I don't believe you."

_He used to be an Acolyte and lived with Remy!!! The more reason he would smoke. Remy's influences!_ she thought.

"Wanda, do you remember who yer talkin' to?" he asked her impatiently. He really didn't have time for this. "It's Pyro here. P-Y-R-O. I control foyre! Why wouldn't I want a zippo?!"

She stepped closer to him, grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and sniffed it.

"Oh, come on! You even smell like smoke! You think I'm a fool?" she asked him, almost angrily. _I'm not that stupid!_

"Sheila, I've been in 'ere fer an hour. And I was with tha Cajun a while ago," he explained to her.

"It's okay to deny it you know… That's the first step towards acceptance," she replied.

"Wanda! Why won't ya believe me? I don' smoke those bloody cancer sticks, okay?"

She was beginning to get on his nerves.

"Okay, okay Johnny. I believe you now," she said to him with fake enthusiasm. Then a few seconds later, she dropped her smile and stared at him with a blank expression on her face.

John glared back at her. Gosh what a trouble she was! All he wanted to do was to buy a new lighter because his old one ran out of gas!

He walked to the counter and paid for the zippo he was holding. After pocketing it safely, he reluctantly went back to Wanda.

He sighed heavily and looked at her. "What if I prove ya wrong?"

For a while there, Wanda was taken aback. _Was he really telling the truth?_

"Like you can," she shot back at him. She didn't really mean to say it though. It just came out.

She wasn't feeling so sure anymore. He seemed pretty serious about it. But she managed to stop herself from giving in.

_No. I'm not backing out of this. The Scarlet Witch never surrenders a fight…and never loses one either._

"I can. You wanna bet?" he asked, staring at her without blinking.

"How much?"

John thought for a while, but not too long, because he already had something on his mind.

"Okay…If I win…you gotta go out with me," he said to her, with a grin slowly spreading across his 'oh-so-charming' face. "And if you win…"

"If I win, you gotta give me two hundred bucks and be my slave for a day," she snapped at him. When she saw him looking thoughtful for a second, she added hotly, "And it's not _that_ kind."

John gulped and smiled weakly at the dangerous and threatening expression on her face.

"So what? Deal?" she asked, her patience running thin.

"Alright, alright. Deal."

He extended his hand for a handshake, then retracted it when she just crossed her arms and frowned.

_He looks nervous… _she thought as she observed him. It immediately gave her confidence. _I'm SO winning this._

"Alright then. You got one minute to prove me wrong fire boy," she told him as she tilted her head and glared at him.

John suddenly smiled. "That's more than enough."

Without any warning, he leaned forward and kissed her. Wanda's eyes widened with shock when she felt his soft lips pressed against hers.

_What…the…hell…? _

With no hesitation, John deepened the kiss. Wanda wasn't exactly sure why she let him – she didn't even know how she should react to all of this in the first place. But she didn't push him away. She just played along and closed her eyes.

It was the first time someone had kissed her like this… And she was surprised how good it felt…as if her whole body was on fire. But in less than a minute – just as she was starting to get into it - they broke apart. John watched her carefully, and almost curiously, wondering what was going on in her mind. Wanda subconsciously licked her lips and realized that he _didn't_ taste like smoke - not at all.

_He tasted so much better…_ her mind thought.

Wanda blushed when she saw him observing her. This time, she wasn't able to hide it.

"…See…? Told ya I don't smoke," he told her in a soft voice.

Then Wanda finally grasped the fact that she had lost the bet. _Oh shit…._

She hardened her gaze and looked away from him, but the redness of her cheeks was still there.

"…W-Whatever…"

John laughed at her reaction, and thought she was quite cute for the mean and evil witch she was know for. He knew she was still like other normal girls, who can be sometimes inexperienced with 'kissing' and all those types of stuff. Actually…he wasn't very experienced himself.

All of a sudden, several people entered the shop. They looked over by the door and discovered that it was the Brotherhood boys.

_Shit! Did they see us??? _thought Wanda as she began to panic.

But judging by the casual looks on their faces, they didn't. Wanda let out a sigh of relief as she watched them approach her.

"Hey-sis-we-gotta-go-and-quick. Todd-made-like-fifty-kids-cry-and-Fred-got-caught-eating-in-the-kitchen-of-this-restaurant-and-Lance-got-into-a-fight-with-the-security-guard-and-I'm-irresistable-so-now-there-are-hundreds-of-angry-mothers-and-chefs-and-policemen-and-super-hot-girls-chasing-us."

After a moment of taking all that in, Wanda rolled her eyes at her brother.

"Way to go…get us on the mall's blacklist," she said, glaring at all of them.

Wanda took a step forward and was about to leave, when she felt someone grab her arm and pull her back.

"WHAT?!" she asked with annoyance as she glared back at John.

"Did ya think ya can get away jus loyke tha' sheila?" asked the Aussie with a crazy grin. "This Saturday, I'll pick ya up at seven thirty at yer house. A deal's a deal."

The Brotherhood guys just stared at the two of them with shock and confusion. Wanda tried to ignore them and sighed heavily.

"Whatever….." she replied as she yanked her arm away from his grip. She actually didn't need to, since he held onto her arm very gently. (It was just for the image, to tell you the truth.)

"Oy'm takin' tha' as a 'Yes'," he said with a smile. "See ya on Saturday…luv."

He stepped forward to kiss her on the cheek, then left her at the store, standing there with a furious expression on her face as Toad sobbed, Pietro fainted, and Lance and Fred twitched like they saw a ghost.

She was never going to forgive him for that… Even if she liked him.

-

* * *

Yeah...so that's it. I'm thinking of a sequel to this though... I already have an idea in mind. Haha.  
Reviews are always welcomed! Comments, suggestions, recommendations, corrections...anything.  
Hope you liked my story. I sure did enjoy writing it. :) 


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